Soap Digest

A Letter Regrading Troy

Superman vs. Batman

Words, Words, Words

25 Great Monologues

Soup vs. Ladle

CRESPO'S CORNER

This is a section of our website devoted to things that Sean Crespo has written that we haven't found a home for anywhere else. With that being said, it doesn't mean that they're any less brilliant than other things that he has written. I mean Diogenes lived in a barrel and roamed the streets carrying a lantern at noon looking for an honest man. People look up to and respect and admire Diogenes. So, you should hold these pieces in equal reverence.

Dear Wolfgang Peterson,

I am a struggling writer who would like to show you that I've got "the Right Stuff," not a copy of the movie, but instead, talent, the raw talent you will need to make Superman VS Batman a reality. I have included some pages from the climax of my script version, which I've already written. Please buy it or at least send a cash advance. (FYI, my rent is due the 3rd of every month.)

Yours,
Darren "No man is an island" Isthmus

SUPERMAN
(to self)
Hrmph, rookie.
(to Batman)
Batman! Come out and play.

BATMAN
(V.O.)
Come find me, Super Twerp.

Superman can’t help it. He laughs as never before.

SUPERMAN
(fits of laughter)
Super...twerrrr...ahaha... you old cad you! Super twerp! Come here!
Let’s forget this fight of ours.

BATMAN emerges from the shadows, smiling.

BATMAN
I thought you’d like that one. The Bat Computer informed me that your Kryptonian sense of humor was not that unlike my Bat Humor.

The two embrace. It is a long and hard embrace, as long and hard as the battle just fought. They let go.

SUPERMAN
How did you ever avoid my Super Breath or my Super Speed punches?

BATMAN
One of the advantages of my Bat Cave is the privacy to try out experimental Bat Technology. Right now, I'm equipped with Anti-Super Breath Bat Shielding and Reflex Enhancing Anti-Super Speed Bat Servos.

SUPERMAN
Oh. How about that.

BATMAN
Yeah.

SUPERMAN
What do you want to do now?

BATMAN
I don’t know. What do you want to do?

SUPERMAN
You’re the scientist and detective. Don’t you have a Bat Crime Detector?
Or some kind of Bat Parole Violations Radar?

BATMAN
Why don’t you use your Super Strength to just pick up the city and shake all the bad guys out? Cause that’d be just SUPER.

SUPERMAN
Take this!

Superman punches BATMAN through the face, killing him instantly. SUPERMAN shakes BATMAN’s remains off his fist which then crumple to the ground.

SUPERMAN
So much for BATMAN. Looks kinda, I mean, he's pretty meaty…for a human. Hmmm…

SUPERMAN begins to eat BATMAN, an ancient Kryptonian custom. Using his SUPER SPEED the task is over in moments, leaving only a cape, cowl, and utility belt.

SUPERMAN
That sure felt good. Wouldn’t mind doing that again. Maybe I could...nah...well...Hmmm…

CUT TO:

EXT. EARTH FROM SPACE - SAME
SUPERMAN begins tracing a yellow ribbon around earth, faster and faster. The planet slowly stops revolving, eventually reversing its own rotation.

CUT TO:
EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT SUPERMAN hovers, using his X-RAY vision at its highest levels to pierce the night’s shadows and find BATMAN.